Prior to the 2008 election, I suggested that Mike Huckabee was the perfect candidate to run against the Democratic nominee, regardless of whom the nominee turned out to be. Well here it is 2012 and, with no credible primary challenger for President Shill, I am once again left wondering which of the truly awful Republican choices would provide the kind of conservative repudiation that I so long for. With that in mind, I’ve update my earlier post for this election season. “But who,” you might ask, “…really fits the mold of the right candidate (and by that, we mean far…far right) this time around?”
Romney? Not a chance. He’s not really a conservative, nor really much of anything except maybe a corporatist, and although you can fault him for that, social conservatives won’t make Romney “their man”. They’re simply not going to vote for a Mormon with televangelist hair and more money than most counties in Utah. Gingrich? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Gingrich isn’t a social conservative. He’s a wacko whose verbal indiscretions are only exceeded by his sexual indiscretions. So who then fits the mold of the perfect far right social demagogue? Oh…come on. We all know it has to be Santorum.
Santorum doesn’t have a liberal or progressive bone in his body. He’s a certified nightmare straight from the 15th century who has the benefit of sincerely believing all the dangerous, paranoid, hillbilly nonsense that spews from his pie-hole. Unlike Gingrich, who only plays a social conservative on television, Santorum could give the pope a run for his money, and keep in mind that we’re talking about the man ran the Holy Inquisition before he became God’s vicar on earth.
So please…let it be Santorum. Let’s have all the evangelicals and Tea Baggers line up to support him. The “Christian Nation,” O’Reilly watching, Dittohead pukes have controlled the political debate in this country for far too long, and it’s high time that a true conservative standard bearer got a McGovern style ass-kicking!
On election night I want to see all the Fox News talking heads choke on the word LANDSLIDE, even if I have to endure four more years of Obama in order to get my wish . In short, I want there to be wailing, rending of clothing, and gnashing of teeth from Sarah Palin’s Alaska to buckle of the Bible Belt!
I want to see the Koch brothers and their SuperPAC, ATM, trust-fund for the political class backers squirm for 8 months. I want them to flush $500 million down the toilet trying to get Santorum, a man they don’t really want in the White House, elected.
I want every Republican who mutters the term “fetal personhood” this election season to have to watch their daughter experience the institutionalized rape of an trans-vaginal ultrasound. Then…I want their daughters to decide to keep their babies! “Oh Mom…Dad I just can’t take care of a baby and attend Vassar at the same time. You’ll have to raise it for me. You don’t mind, do you?”
In short, I want Santorum because he’ll be a great standard bearer for a group of Americans that typify everything that is wrong with this nation. I want Santorum because he’ll lose…and lose badly.