iNews Friday, Special Illustrated Edition – 2/29/2008

Headline: Serbs blame U.S. for violence

Live long and prosper Translation: “Highly illogical” for U.S. to burn own embassy, Vulcan Girl Scouts say

Woodland Park Zoo orangutans turn 40

Translation: Rush Limbaugh has birthday

Headline: With Big Dig done, Boston pursues new look
Translation: Cradle of independence motif “so 233 years ago”

Headline: English nearing one million words
Translation: Terms for anatomy, parentage, human waste, Republican already number two million

Translation: Conservative blogs link Oscar refusal to wear American flag pin to foreigners winning Best Actor, Actress

Headline: Oil Hits a High; Some See $4 Gas by Spring
Translation: Detroit developing engine that burns bundles of Twenties

Headline: As Inflation Rises, Home Values Slump, Data Show
Translation: “Sit up straight and none of your back-talk,” Bernanke scolds Home Values

Headline: Rockets’ Yao out for season
Translation: U.S. meant to fire rocket at Central China, not Chinese center

Headline: Polygamist Jeffs now in Arizona jail
Warren Jeffs Translation: Why the long face?
Translation (Turbo Mode): This time Jeffs is the bride

Headline: Poll – Majority of fans think Clemens is lying
Translation: Clemens a surprising second to McCain as Texas primary nears

Headline: William F. Buckley Jr. dies at 82
Translation: William F. Buckley Jr., 3,000,000 B.C.-2008
Translation (Turbo Mode): Crypto-fascist to be buried with 21-clipboard salute

Headline: Microsoft foresaw Vista problems
: Those aren’t bugs, those are ‘features’

Headline: The Other Boleyn Girl
Translation: Starring Cindy McCain and Vicki Iseman

Headline: Pelosi wants Bush aides investigated
Translation: Bolten and Meiers deny taking steroids

Headline: Bush will host NATO Secretary General Jaap de Hoop Scheffer at the White House on February 29
Translation: Bush proclaims Feb. 29 shall henceforth be known as “Annual Yappy Hoops Heifer Day.”

7 thoughts on “iNews Friday, Special Illustrated Edition – 2/29/2008”

  1. Crypto-fascist to be buried with 21-clipboard salute…

    I have to ask…what’s a “crypto-fascist”? I “cryptic-fascist” I’d get. :-)

  2. Well, boos and ghouls, Kvatch’s imitation of me is dead-on, just to die for. I do have grave concerns, but I think his linguistic tomb-er is benign.

    – The Crypt Keeper, I mean, John McCain.

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