After announcing his decision not to refer ‘Contempt of Congress’ citations against Josh Bolton and Harriet Miers to a grand jury, Kvatch Kopf reached the Attorney General at CRAP, the annual Conference and Retreat for Administration Peons.
Kvatch: Mr. Attorney General, the Supreme Court has on a number of occasions, upheld ‘Contempt of Congress’ as a necessary tool that supports the legislative in its oversight role. So on what basis did you decide that the DoJ is free to refuse to prosecute the citation?
Mukasey: Well Kvatch, as you know the Bush Administration operates under the theory of the ‘Unitary Executive’. Consequently we’re not required to comply with the nonsensical demands of Congress.
Kvatch: But Mr. Attorney General, the Constitution does not recognize the ‘Unitary Executive’. So what you’re doing would essentially be…unconstitutional.
Mukasey: Yes…well…I think there was a signing statement on this. I’ll have to check, but I’m sure that President Bush, in this time of war, gets to do whatever he damn well pleases. And, after all, the Constitution is just a ‘…damn piece of paper’.
Kvatch: But you know that this makes you look like just another slimy administration tool, not to mention a bit of an asshole.
Mukasey: Of course I do, Kvatch. But everything is relative, right? Look at the two AGs whom I followed into this position.
Kvatch: Well you do have a point there.