Homeland Security Nazi Michael Chertoff recently rolled out a new driver’s license initiative. DHS will now require those born after Dec. 1, 1964 to have a Homeland Security approved driver’s license in order to board a plane. Not drive mind you, just to fly. Oh, and you have until 2014 to comply. Boomers have until 2017 because, as we all know they’re slower on the uptake. And they make crappy terrorists, they can’t even program their own VCRs for crying out loud.
Chertoff doesn’t go into a lot of detail about what exactly the security features of this new license are. I’m guessing it’s going to be stamped, “Not a boomer” across the front in bright red ink. You know to keep us Gen X/Y/whatevers from trying to use the Medicare system or cash Social Security checks. I mean with all those Boomers set to retire soon, the government already has their hands full.
He assures us that the new licenses will curb illegal immigration, identity theft, and make it harder for terrorists to move about. I’m looking for a license that offers me a photo that doesn’t look like a mugshot, and actually has my true height and weight on it. That or one that makes julienne fries.
Maybe he’s right though . Maybe we do need a tighter system for national security. Here’s a thought, we have this enormous passport bureau. Why don’t we just require every U.S. citizen to carry a passport? Oh, right because without a second form of identification it’s not valid.