Badges, we don’t need no stinking badges

Homeland Security Nazi Michael Chertoff recently rolled out a new driver’s license initiative. DHS will now require those born after Dec. 1, 1964 to have a Homeland Security approved driver’s license in order to board a plane. Not drive mind you, just to fly. Oh, and you have until 2014 to comply. Boomers have until 2017 because, as we all know they’re slower on the uptake. And they make crappy terrorists, they can’t even program their own VCRs for crying out loud.

Chertoff doesn’t go into a lot of detail about what exactly the security features of this new license are. I’m guessing it’s going to be stamped, “Not a boomer” across the front in bright red ink. You know to keep us Gen X/Y/whatevers from trying to use the Medicare system or cash Social Security checks. I mean with all those Boomers set to retire soon, the government already has their hands full.

He assures us that the new licenses will curb illegal immigration, identity theft, and make it harder for terrorists to move about. I’m looking for a license that offers me a photo that doesn’t look like a mugshot, and actually has my true height and weight on it. That or one that makes julienne fries.

Maybe he’s right though . Maybe we do need a tighter system for national security. Here’s a thought, we have this enormous passport bureau. Why don’t we just require every U.S. citizen to carry a passport? Oh, right because without a second form of identification it’s not valid.

16 thoughts on “Badges, we don’t need no stinking badges”

  1. I wonder why Canada and Australia, even the UK don’t require such draconian measures for tracking citizens? I would say it’s something in the water, except the water I imbibed in BC actually came from across the border.
    Here downunder we can carry a life sized cardboard cut out as perfectly acceptable identification. I’ve tried a mirror, but for some reason they baulk at that. They don’t respond well to “Yes, that’s me!” either.
    But I did enjoy a month of non existence after returning from Canadia and all my old idents were redundant. Except that I like eating I would have lived happily with anonymity, and I could still fly.

  2. If this is such a detriment to swarthy suitcase bombers and such a boon to our precious, precious safety, it’s a wonder why they didn’t try and ram it through during the halcyon days of P.A.T.R.I.O.T. Act-itis.

    I’d like to chalk that up to even our narcissistic culture’s disdain of The Man, or the states inevitable complaint about cost and how unwieldly it would be, but nearly everyone was ripe for easy pickings back then.

    I think I had a point in there, but I’m not sure what it was.

  3. Randal – This one was part of the Real I.D. Act of 2005. I guess as opposed to the Fake I.D. Act of 2000. The States have been fighting it tooth and nail, but looks like they’ve lost this round. You know how it is just mention 9/11 and security and you’ve got carte blanche.

  4. The new licenses will carry RFID tags to monitor our every move and purchase, so they can be sold to highest bidder at a later date. But always remember, they hate us because we\’re free (or, <i>were</i> at one time).

  5. And that’s not even counting the REAL ID that will be forced down everyone’s throats come May. Sigh. Don’t you miss the good ol’ days when conservatives were paranoid about the Federal government having too much power?

  6. You know Lew they’ve invented wallets lined to stop RFID signals. I personally think I’ll invest in one.

    LC – I do miss the good old days of “Too much government”.

  7. LC… Real ID is just so much bullsh*t! Many of us already have our Real IDs (well 30% at least…does that make us 30%’ers?)… it’s called a passport, and the new ones are loaded with RFID transmitters.

    I’m going to just start flashing my passport every time I go through f*cking TSA just to piss them off. “No you can’t see my god-damned license!”

  8. The frog has a point here. In most jurisdictions a drivers license can only be legally request in relation to a driving offense, and yet it becomes a surrogate ID.
    What worries me is that the next step will be compulsory RFID inplants, coz no one is going to implant any bloody thing in me.
    But traveling through the US, all anyone would accept was my Aussie passport. Arriving back in Aust it was worth jack shit!

  9. “Real ID is just so much bullsh*t!”

    May I gloat for a moment about the irony of the rest of America (i.e., those of you whose ancestors arrived after October 15, 1492) being forced to have a government-issued identity badge in order to move around their own country?
    Don’t worry, guys! You get used to it after awhile; and the surplus cheese isn’t all that bad.

  10. OK LC, I concede. That was a damn fine retort!

    My ancestors didn’t get here till 1628. So I guess I deserve some of that ‘Johnny-come-lately’ treatment. :-)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *