A Baptist Environmental About Face

New York (f-A-ke. P.) –

Vowing never to, “…let those damned Papists get the upper hand on the environment,” leaders of the Southern Baptist Convention announced today that they had been ‘too timid’ on environmental issues and that Baptists have a biblical duty to stop global warming.

Well, I was passing under the fluorescent lights at our headquarters and the voice of our lord and savior, Jesus Christ, told me that the Earth was getting a little on the hot side—even without the benefit of hell-fire and brimstone. It was then that I realized that we Baptists have a duty to save the planet.

The Reverend Horace Buefort

When asked why the Lord didn’t appear as a burning bush, Pastor Buefort responded, “Are you kidding?! A burning bush would put pounds of carbon into the atmosphere.”

6 thoughts on “A Baptist Environmental About Face”

  1. Frogette… Not just siesmic, but perhaps also millenial. Imagine JC returning to a second Venus? How pissed would he be?

    If we all get exorcised, all of our problems will go away!

    Oh there you go again, Randal! Siding with the Papists!

  2. Bloody hell and brimfire, all this talk of God – you know SHE screwed up the whole system! The SHE is probably why those Baptists don’t like Her.
    But these ‘friendly’ bloody lights are now polluting us with mercury as well. Why can’t she pan something from front to back without messing it up?
    I might start following one of those bloke gods…

  3. Maybe they all woke up and realized that since all their churches are built on flood plains, they’d be the first wiped out when the polar ice caps melt down.

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