Old Navy buddy endorses McCain – Commodore Perry: McCain will open door to Japan trade

Senator John McCain received support today from an old Navy buddy in his run for America’s highest office.

The endorsement by famed Commodore Matthew C. Perry is a counterpoint to recent publicity surrounding comments by U.S. military officials questioning McCain’s temperament. Some expressed concern about what they called his “knee-jerk response factor.”

“Knee-jerk is exactly what we need in this day and age,” said Perry, revered as the ‘father of the steam Navy.’

“While Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton argue over whether they’re really planning to end NAFTA, Japan is ripe for the picking,” he said.

Commodore Matthew Perry
“I’ll be there for you,” he told McCain.

“Japan represents an enormous potential trading partner for American goods like raw cotton, furs, pottery and missionaries,” said Perry. “They cannot be allowed to keep their door closed to the outside world.”

“My old friend John McCain will open that door, or blow it open with naval cannons if necessary, and I am behind him 100 percent for the presidency,” Perry said.

McCain welcomed the support of Perry, under whom he served aboard the U.S.S. Mississippi during the war with Mexico, and said he would repay Perry’s faith in him by aggressively pursuing trade with Japan.

“The Dutch and Chinese cannot be allowed to have a Japan monopoly, as they have done since the start of sakoku,” said McCain, referring to Japan’s policy of isolation that began in 1633, and allows only small Dutch and Chinese trading posts in Nagasaki. “Japan must be opened to trade, and with it, American-style democracy for its people,” he said.

“Mr. Shogun, open this door!” McCain concluded dramatically.

Perry is interested in foreign trade due to his success in the world of business, which is legendary. After retiring from the military, Perry settled in Chicago, where he opened a small shop at the Navy Pier selling pea coats, bell bottoms and sailor caps. He named the shop Olde Navee. Later, after a name change to Old Navy, it became a national retail phenomenon due to a series of campy advertisements featuring actress Sarah Bernhardt, showman Buffalo Bill Cody, author Mark Twain, and Joan Rivers.

8 thoughts on “Old Navy buddy endorses McCain – Commodore Perry: McCain will open door to Japan trade”

  1. I just want to know when we’re going to be getting the good stuff from the Orient again. If I buy from Afghanistan, I think I’m supporting terrorism or buying Osama a new goat-herding stick or something like that. First Japan, then the world! Muah!

  2. For some reason I think Opium has to be involved somehow…maybe Perry needs a fix and needs trade re-opened with the Orient….does that make me a racist? dunno…

    Perry, there’s always Afghanistan…

  3. Glad everyone is enjoying this one.

    Yes, opium would be a historically accurate and a good parallel to the bumper crop of Afghan opium. However a politician would never talk about it in public. A followup post next year about opium production and addiction would be funny — but only in a McSame Administration.

    Ginseng was actually a US-grown crop that some in the 19th century thought would be a lucrative export to Asia, but for some reason it never took off. Also, not very funny. “McCain wants more Tea exports to China” — now THAT would be funny.

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