You go from Iraq to Palestine/Israel, from Enron to Wall Street, from Katrina to the bungling of the Bush administration, to the complicity of the Democrats in not stopping him on the war, stopping him on the tax cuts, getting a decent energy bill through – and you have to ask yourself, as a citizen, should we elaborate the issues that the two (parties) are not talking about?

— Ralph Nader announcing his 5th run for the presidency

Ralph you miserable wretch! You…accusing the Democrats for not stopping the war is like an arsonist accusing the firemen of not doing their jobs because the building he set on fire burned to the ground.

— Kvatch

The following is a reprint from Blognonymous that I wrote when Nader announced that he might run early last year.

Dear Ralph Nader,

Well…there certainly isn’t much left for anyone to say about you and your monumental ego. Though I suppose I should give credit where credit is due: Few people reach the end of their lives with such deep and abiding hatred of their fellow man. I mean how many of us can really say that they have had the opportunity, and in your case the will, to contribute in a substantial way to the utter destruction of their nation? It’s as if 30 years of consumer advocacy have turned you into the ultimate consumer assailant.

You see, you whine and cry about how there is no real difference between the parties, but you know that’s not true. If it were true then there would have been no point to your playing the spoiler in 2000, no point to helping George W. Bush into power. The sad fact is that things would have been different with 8 years of a Gore administration. Oh, the excesses of corporate America would have barreled along unchecked, but Gore would have handled 9/11 very differently–no $500B dollars down the tubes. Gore would have used the presidency as a “bully pulpit” to agitate for a proper response to global climate change, and the public might just have gotten on board. But you can’t see that. All you can see is a one way trip to hell for the rest of us so you can sooth your own rage at your monumental impotence.

2008 is coming around Ralph, and you’ve only got one card left to play. Unfortunately, the fact that you’re willing to play it tells us everything we need to know about the pathetic louse you’ve become.

For all the injustices you’ve suffered at the hands of rabid, sub-human conservatives…I wish it were otherwise.

For the admirable way you’ve moved forward following the dark days of an unjust impeachment…I wish it were otherwise.

In recognition of your service to the people of New York and the considerable skill you’ve brought to the job…I wish it were otherwise.

For the fact that, at this time in history—even more than I desire to see a black or Hispanic president—I ache to see a woman finally achieve the White House…I wish it where otherwise.

But it is not otherwise. The Clinton era ended at the moment the US Supreme Court illegally stopped the 2000 Florida recount, and the days of your husband’s presidency will not return. Your presidency would be as divisive as his because the Republicans will not stop until you and your administration are destroyed.

I sincerely wish it where otherwise, but you are the wrong woman at the right time.

This is not to say that this should be the end. Stay in the Senate where your skills and charm can do more good than you would be able to do in the White House. I want to see you as the Majority Leader. I want you to be the bulwark that stands between us and the next “George W Bush”. Or…be a justice on the Supreme Court—be the Chief Justice! I want you as a protector of the Constitution.

In conclusion, the presidency may not be your crowning achievement, but the woman that follows you will acknowledge that it was your campaign that made her presidency possible. I wish it were otherwise…I really, really do, but there are so many ‘firsts’ yet to achieve.

OK, I’ll admit it: I’m in a quandary here. You see…my man John Edwards is out of the race, and frankly I don’t think you’re qualified to be the president. I’m not old enough to be excited by perceived similarities between your campaign and the 1960 Kennedy campaign. Likewise, I’m not young enough to be filled with optimism merely by listening to your speeches. In fact, you and I are just about the same age, and if I had as little time on the national stage as you, I wouldn’t consider myself qualified to be President either.

True, you were a member of the Illinois State Senate for 6 years, but that run for the House of Representatives didn’t work out so well. And since then, you’ve developed a habit very common in your Gen-Y supporters: You’ve started job jumping. In other words, you get bored with a position and then…well…you move on. Hell, your US Senate seat wasn’t even warm before you decided that your time had come. So what should we expect 14 months into an Obama administration? That you’ve had enough and are going to run for God?

Add to that the fact that, since starting your campaign, you’ve acquired an unfortunate allergy to Senate roll call votes. Since I’m not naive enough to believe what you say on the stump, the most reliable guide to your views is your voting record. It’s the touchstone of the pressures that you might be susceptible too. But you seem to have concluded that if you don’t vote no one will figure you out. Your vote in favor of stripping immunity from the telecom bill? Admirable. Your refusal to vote on final passage? Transparent and cowardly.

In short, I wish you’d go back and prove that you can serve your constituents though till the end of your term. Then…maybe…I’ll consider you qualified to serve the rest of us.

The California presidential primary approaches, and frankly I no longer care which Democrat wins. My man Edwards is out of the race. Senator Obama is unqualified and Senator Clinton is a corporate shill who I don’t really think will change anything.

That is not to say I don’t care how this election shapes up. I do. The fact that a Democrat is probably going to romp notwithstanding, I want my party’s standard bearer to beat the right opponent, and by that I mean the right opponent—the far right—as right as it gets, and that’s Mike Huckabee.

“Why Huckabee?” you might ask. After all, on a number of issues, like incarceration, he’s more progressive than his GOP stablemates. Nope…it’s because evangelical conservatives are lining up to support him, and they’re my real target. You see I want a repudiation of the, “God’s country,” “Christian Nation,” “…my country right or wrong,” wackos who’ve controlled debate for a couple of decades now. I want the Constitution to again be the supreme law of the land and liberty to be our guiding principle. In short, I want there to be wailing, rending of clothing, and gnashing of teeth from the buckle to the tip of the Bible Belt!

I want to see money-grubbing televangelists laid low, with the IRS as the avenging angel. I want some good old-fashioned book burning. Keep the Bible but pile up the pseudo-religious pamphlets—“Your’s for only a $20.00 donation to our godly ministry!”—bring on the gasoline, and light ’em up!

I want to see 12-step programs for neo-cons. “Hi. My name’s Paul Wolfowitz, and I used to flog the idea of preemptive war. – Hi Paul”. I want every Republican who ever used the term ‘gay agenda’ to occupy a special float in the next San Francisco Pride Day Parade. In short, I want Huckabee because he’s the standard bearer for a group that typifies everything that is wrong with this nation. I want him to lose and lose badly. Then…and only then, I’ll start to hope.