I said PASS the damn Salt!

New Mexico passed a law this week making it legal for residents to carry handguns into restaurants serving alcohol.  Just wine and beer mind you, but we’re talking concealed weapons.  The New Mexico state senate has billed this, “An effort to reduce crime”.  How?  I have no idea!  I don’t know about you, but the Frog and I have decided that now not only are we not moving to New Mexico, we’re not even sure we’ll dine there.

Another Major Recall – Palin’s witchcraft protection failing

Americans already reeling from the Toyota recall were greeted this morning by news of another major recall.

Word of Faith Church founder Bishop Thomas Muthee said his church has recalled its witchcraft protection system, affecting one customer, former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin.

Muthee said his church will repair a fault that exposes Palin to spells that can cause her to veer wildly, and experience braking problems such as an inability to stop talking.

The problem with the witchcraft protection system arose last weekend, when strange writing manifested on the palms of Palin’s hands as she spoke at the national Tea Party convention in Nashville. Her husband, Todd, took her to the local Assembly of God dealership, where the service department diagnosed witchcraft. Muthee was notified, and he began working on a fix.

It was Bishop Muthee who journeyed to Wasilla, Alaska, in 2005 to install Sarah Palin’s witchcraft protection system, which he described as a dense ethereal coating to keep her “safe from every form of witchcraft.”

“Normally we apply the coating at the factory. But we made an exception in Palin’s case, due to the size of my honorarium,” he said.

Of the current recall, Muthee said that although spontaneous appearance of words on the skin is a clear sign of witchcraft, “English words are quite unusual, normally what we see is in Latin.”

“This points to a younger witch that didn’t learn Latin,” he explained, tracing the defect to the witchcraft protection system not being programmed to account for Barack Hussein Obama. “We didn’t think Kenyan witchcraft would appear in North America,” said Muthee, of Kiambu, Kenya.

This weekend Muthee will travel to New York, where Palin is working as a 2012 presidential candidate for Fox News. “Todd will bring her into the dealership maybe on Monday afternoon and we’ll put her up on the lift. Installing the upgraded witchcraft protection system should take an hour,” he explained.

Muthee maintains witches have enormous influence in America. “There are many examples, such as the song Witchy Woman, and the TV show Bewitched. There are the 2001 Seattle Mariners from the world of sports, and it is the best explanation for Hulu’s move to a subscription-based business model,” said Muthee.

“I was also the first to notice that there is even witchcraft in the Pledge of Allegiance, where it goes, ‘and to the Republic for witch it stands’,” he said.

ERITAS errata: ERITAS is taking this week off

Alles klar Tax Commisar

So I got this e-mail today and I had to laugh out loud.  I’ve been offered money from Nigerian Lawyers, marriage proposals from Russian woman, and um, enhancements for my “equipment”, but I’ve never been accused of making more money.  Especially not in the past year.  Dude!  You have no idea how wrong you are!

From:  Tax Commisar

Dear taxpayer,

The Federal income tax is a progressive tax, meaning that the more you earn, the higher your tax rate. Your tax rate depends not just upon your taxable income, but also upon your filing status (single, married filing jointly, etc.).

You’re in a higher tax bracket because:
– your annual income for the last tax year has increased.

Please review your annual tax report immediately at: get report

iNews Friday, 2/12/2010

A sampling of this week’s output from the iNews 9000 Turbo wi-fi headline translator—

Headline: Edwards’ mistress seeks return of alleged sex tape
Translation: Edwards fined $1 rewind charge

Headline: Tea Party supporters grapple for a vision
Translation: Myopia, tunnel vision make it hard to focus

Headline:

Translation: How a teabagger texts
Headline: ‘Mein Kampf’ to see its first post-WWII publication in Germany
Translation: Under new title–
+

Headline: US rejects EU diplomacy over Iran N program
Translation: Lieberman and Kerry, sittin’ in a tree

Headline: John Mayer Says “My dick is a white supremicist”
Translation: Mayer’s dick to perform at next Tea Party convention

Headline: Rahm Emanuel “apologizes” to Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live
Translation: SNL enters its Regulatory Capture phase

Headline: Nigeria’s New Acting President Calls for Unity
Translation: And your kind help in releasing funds from a bank account

Headline: Obama’s rocky relationship with the Republicans
Translation: Note to POTUS- do NOT forget Valentine’s Day

Headline: Comcast to become XFinity‎
Translation: Cable bills continue climb toward infinity

Headline: Senators Advance Bipartisan Jobs Bill
Translation: McConnell opposes jobs for Democrats

Headline: Designer Alexander McQueen found dead
Translation: Kate Moss – “but I have nothing to wear to Haiti benefit”

Headline: China urges U.S. to cancel Obama-Dalai Lama meeting
Translation: “…or your account will be sent to collection”

Headline: Mandela makes appearance
Translation
: 6 more weeks of Jacob Zuma administration

Headline: Senators Strike Bipartisan Deal on Job Creation
Translation: Expected to pass on party line vote

Statelessness Courtesy of the Feds

This is a chilling little development: The US military is quietly looking into a legal framework for stripping Americans of their citizenship. Now admittedly this is only supposed to be used against identified terrorists, but consider the implications…

As it stands now the US government has no legal mechanism for stripping someone of their citizenship, and what this means is that the Feds have no legal grounds for denying you due process of law; they may not deport you without your consent, nor can they deny you entry to the country. This last one is actually quite critical because the US Dept. of Homeland Security *does* claim that they can deny a citizen entry to the US even though it’s a violation of international treaties, and international treaties, to which the US is a signatory, have the force of law.

Now imagine a US that does have a legal framework for stripping one of one’s citizenship… Now you may say, “Hey, this is only for terrorists,” but remember that the Bush administration abused almost every power they were granted by Congress or illegally co-opted, and the Obama administration has done nothing to reverse that trend. So, if the Feds decide that you’re a danger, all they have to do is strip you of your citizenship (using the ‘terrorist’ excuse if they have to), deport you to a location outside of the US, and then…once you are effectively “stateless”, you cannot travel, you cannot work, you cannot legally challenge your status, and you effectively have no protections or rights under the laws of whatever country you land in. Basically…you’re dead, and the US didn’t even have to murder you to achieve the result.

There are certain powers that no government should be granted because the opportunities for abuse are too numerous and the temptation…to great.  The ability to strip someone of their citizenship is one of these powers.

Donner Coast

I remember the blizzards of 92-93 on the East Coast—the District running out of money for road clearing during the very first storm and resorting to pushing huge piles of snow into the Potomac River. I remember drivers abandoning their cars on the Capital Beltway by the hundreds during the superstorm on March 12th, and I remember panicked Virginians stripping everything but the screws and bolts from local store shelves.

With this year’s second superstorm already battering the Atlantic seaboard, and all the stores already cleared of every scrap of food, do you think people in and around the nation’s capital will resort to cannibalism?

(You can thank the Frogette for inspiring this post.  She was actually snowed in for 4 days back in ’93.)

A Graph Is Worth A Thousand Words

Just so we remember whose disastrous policies crippled this nation’s economy.

And keep in mind, this graph does not represent the debt that Bu$hCo saddled us with—even though that was enormous. It represents deficit projections for the 10 years after leaving office given that the Obama administration continues to follow Bu$hCo’s policies.

Thanks to VictorM at Argville and Daily Kos for the head’s up.

US Politicians and the Inconvenience of Laws

To say that US politicians form an ‘elite’ that are so disconnected from the average citizen that they can’t even be bothered to verbally support, much less uphold, our laws would be a huge understatement. Just in the last week we’ve heard politicians on both sides of the political spectrum—from the idiot poser Sarah Palin to former President Bill Clinton—criticize their peers for upholding the law. And it doesn’t stop there: Officials high and low, from judges to law enforcement to representatives, seem now to believe that laws are just pesky restrictions that don’t really apply to them. Here are some examples pulled from last week’s news:

Senator Lamar Alexander (R-TN), not usually know for being a Constitution-busting conservative, calls on Attorney General Eric Holder to resign for…well…upholding the Constitution in the matter of Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, imprisoned as a criminal rather than being ‘disappeared’ as a terrorist for his attempt to blow up a US bound jet liner. Alexander, of course, is a hypocrite since he made no such call when Bu$hCo, and then Attorney General Ashcroft, did the same with ‘shoe bomber’ Richard Reid.

Former President Bill Clinton makes an appeal to the Haitian government to “quickly resolve” the case of 10 US missionaries accused of attempting to kidnap 33 Haitian children in the aftermath of the recent quake, asserting that the accused, “…might be telling the truth”.  To which Americans should respond… “So what?”  The former president seems to have forgotten that, had this happened in the US, any call to resolve the matter outside the boundaries of the US judicial system would have resulted in politicians and pundits calling for the heads of anyone making such a statement. Apparently trials are good enough for the US but not good enough for Haiti.

Sarah Palin and her fellow travelers from the so-called Tea Party Convention manage, in the space of a few days, to 1) Criticize the president for upholding the Constitution on matters of terrorism—though these blathering morons would never have tolerated that kind of dissent when the president was named “Bush” rather than “Obama”; and 2) Call for the reinstatement of unconstitutional ‘Jim Crow’ laws—despite the fact that most of their supporters probably couldn’t pass the kinds of civics exams that were the cornerstone of many laws designed to disenfranchise blacks.