BOIL’M Initiative

Washington (f-A-ke. P.) —

Today in Washington, the Obama Administration announced a new initiative designed to reform the energy industry and fundamentally change US energy policy:

We’re going to call this critical policy change (B)ig (OIL) Refor(M) or “BOIL’M” for short and it will do for ‘transportation poor’ Americans what our administration’s recent health-care initiative did for the millions of uninsured in this great country.

President Obama

A centerpiece of BOIL’M is the so-called ‘play-or-pay’ requirement mandating that all Americans buy a minimum amount of gasoline per month or pay a set of government fines that will increase yearly through 2020. Americans who don’t own cars will not be exempt from ‘play-or-pay’ on the assumption that it will encourage them to “do the right thing”. The administration has stated that these mandates are necessary to ensure that, “…we use all the new oil we’re going to get from drilling the crap out of the Gulf and Atlantic“.

Hutchison Repeats Herself

‘Senator Helmet Hair’, the former cheerleader and news anchor—a senator whose career has been so undistinguished, she has not managed to produce a single major bill in 17 years—Big Oil’s fluffer, whose campaigns float along on a sea of industry money, and a politician who famously stated back in 1993, when term limits were fashionable, that she would serve no more than 12 years in the Senate…now repeats herself.

After an embarrassing loss to Rick Perry in the Republican gubernatorial primary, Hutchison has announced that, rather than retire from the Senate as she had promised, she’ll stay on till 2012. Gee like we couldn’t have seen that coming a mile away.