Tag Archives: anti-science

NASA honors Bachmann

NASA announced today it is bestowing its highest civilian honor upon Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) in recognition of the assistance she gave the International Space Station (ISS) over the weekend.

The conservative lawmaker beamed with pride as flight director Buzz Frandle presented her with the award, the Space Cadet certificate, and pinned a pair of plastic wings on her lapel.

“On Saturday, astronauts reported a warning light on the U.S. module’s carbon dioxide removal system,” Frandle said, reading from the official proclamation.

“Under our engineering and science-based operating protocols, the system needed to be repaired or a dangerous build up of CO2 would occur,” Frandle said.

“We received a call from Rep. Bachmann, who told us our protocols are invalid because carbon dioxide is a natural byproduct of nature. She said life can’t exist without CO2, so we shouldn’t worry about the malfunction.”

Station personnel resumed normal activites Sunday without the purification system, although according to Frandle overly cautious European, Russian, Canadian, and Japanese crew sealed themselves off from the American section, and lowered their CO2 to dangerous levels using the Russian module’s air scrubber.

However, flight engineeer Michael Barratt reports all is well in the U.S. module. “Excuse me, I’m feeling kind of woozy and need to lie down for a while,” a cheerful Barratt told Bachmann by radio.

Bachmann spoke to Barratt by radio, and congratulated him on his good work. “Pay no attention to doubts of other countries’ astronauts, you’re doing great,” she told Barratt. Bachmann went on to say she plans to introduce legislation giving U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement strict control over foreign entry to the American module.

In other news, Sarah Palin’s resignation as Governor of Alaska became effective yesterday. In a final speech in Fairbanks, Palin told Alaskans she is “excited to become John McCain’s new vice senator.”