Tag Archives: bart stupak

DINOs, Health, Humor, Politics, Satire

Stupak offers compromise – Coverage of premature ejaculation treatment could delay abortions “by as much as 6-7 minutes”

Anti-abortion congressman Bart Stupak today notified fellow Democrats that he is willing to modify his controversial health care reform amendment restricting abortion funding.

The Michigan 1st District representative hopes to improve chances his restrictions will be in the final version of reform after reconciliation with the version that will come out of the Senate, which is about to begin floor debate.

Stupak’s amended amendment would add the guarantee for all Americans of universal coverage for treatment of premature ejaculation.

“Guaranteeing access to P.E. treatment would limit abortions by as much as 6 to 7 minutes, each, but doesn’t further restrict women’s reproductive rights,” he said.

“This represents pro-life Americans extending a hand of compromise to pro-death Americans, the kind of compromise abortion foes are all about,” Stupak said magnanimously.

However, his compromise is drawing the ire of one leader of the pro-life movement.  Operation Rescue founder Randall Terry said delaying ejaculation interferes with conception.  “Putting it off by 6 or 7 minutes, that’s delaying the creation of sacred life and therefore unacceptable,” said Terry.

“Besides, without premature ejaculation I wouldn’t have the anger and self-loathing that drives my anti-abortion crusade,” Terry said.

DINOs, Health, Humor, Politics, Satire

Stupak’s amendment cuts medical costs – Bars coverage for all procedures

Rep. Bart Stupak (D-MI) today asked his Democratic colleagues to stay united on health care reform legislation, and support the current version of the legislation even if they have objections to the abortion-restricting amendment he authored.

The version that passed the House 220-215 on Saturday contained an amendment offered by Stupak prohibiting funds for abortions in a public insurance plan, as well as any private plan purchased in a public exchange. This has angered over 40 liberal members, who say they will not vote for any House-Senate compromise containing Stupak’s language.

Stupak called on disaffected progressives not to be hasty, urging: “Don’t throw the fetus out with the bathwater.” He said his purpose was to ensure federal dollars didn’t support a legal medical procedure he objects to on religious grounds.

That, he explained, is also the key to providing affordable coverage for all Americans. “My amendment slashes health care costs, abortion proponents never mention that fact,” said Stupak.

Stupak said a section of his amendment prohibits federal funds or coverage purchased on a public exchange from paying for any kind of medical procedure. “This is out of respect for the beliefs of some Christian Scientists — I mean, come on, they pay taxes too,” he said.

Refusing to recognize illnesses means they would no longer exist — solidifying America’s position as having the world’s best medical system, and saving taxpayers trillions of dollars, Stupak said.

However, Stupak’s approach is opposed from the right as well as the left. House Minority John Boehner objects to Stupak’s bill, saying Americans need a minimum of level health insurance. “Insurance should at least pay for the poisonous snakes some charismatic Pentecostal sects use in faith-based disease prevention,” Boehner said.