Pentagon spokeswoman Rear Admiral Gloria Allred said the USNS Impeccable was in international waters when it received unwelcome advances from the five Chinese ships. “Our ship was going about its work in a professional manner. Suddenly the Chinese ships appeared, started chasing the Impeccable like it was a Benny Hill episode, and calling out ‘we love you long time’,” said Adm. Allred.
“It was a hurtful and humiliating experience. We are entitled to an apology from China for this outrageous behavior,” Allred said.
China’s official Xinhua news agency reported Chinese vessels claimed the Impeccable was “asking for it.”
“It was obviously cruising,” Xinhua quoted Captain Chinn Dim Sum of the Oceanographic And Diplomatic Incidents Command as saying.
“I mean, come on: when an American ship comes into our waters showing a low waterline and exposing all that bare hull, it’s a provocative action, it’s asking for that attention,” said Chinn.
Captain Chinn went on to say his crew reacted like normal red-blooded sailors. “When the Impeccable turned firehoses on my crew, we assumed the Americans wanted a wet t-shirt contest and went with it. We disrobed to our underwear and offered to give the Impeccable and its personnel five dollar massages.”
“Jeez, we were just trying to be friendly,” Chinn said.
China has been notified. China, you might have noticed, is in a bad fucking mood due to the simmering unrest that threatens to make their precious Olympics into a legendary embarrassment.
By the way something, on her radio show last night, Rachel Maddow spoke to sports writer Dave Zirin about the likelihood of protests affecting the Olympics. Zirin, who is very good on radio, explained that countries are making it very clear to their athletes that they are not to make political statements of any kind. Zirin predicted that the most likely group of athletes to break that silence could be NBA players. Members of the Cleveland Cavs, shamefully not LeBron James, have already spoke up, calling on China to help end the genocide in Darfur. LeBron has other interests. Zirin pointed out that this is pretty weak sauce from a guy who claims to be following in the footsteps of Muhammad Ali.
Zirin wrote an article for The Nation looking at how the unrest in Tibet affects the Olympics.