Presumptive GOP presidential nominee John McCain underwent emergency surgery today to remove corporate lobbying connections from his wazoo.
The lobbyists were discovered last week during a physical examination by the health section of the New York Times
A subsequent pathology report found Sen. McCain’s wazoo is filled with malignant corporate connections, and include Charlie Black of BKSH & Associates, Alcalde & Fay, Davis Manafort, The Loeffler Group, Ogilvy Government Relations, and dozens of lobbyists raising money for his campaign.
Doctors say the condition is common in politicians who have been in office for a long time. Dr. Rollie Fingers, a polirectal health specialist from Hershey, Pennsylvania, says it is likely McCain got lobbyists up his wazoo while in bed with telecom lobbyist Vicki Iseman of Alcalde & Fay.
Dr. Fingers said the usual treatment is chemotherapy. He said is it likely doctors will start high doses of Ralph Nader, which should allow McCain to recover by early November.
The best prevention strategy is screening, says Fingers. The New York Times should go up politicians’ wazoos at least once a year, he said.