Tag Archives: Democrats

Government, Health, Humor, Politics, Satire

Obama, Pelosi pay $2500 for $500 Dodge van – Plan summer Apology Tour

President Barack Obama and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi followed yesterday’s passage of federal health care reform legislation by purchasing a 1985 Dodge Astrovan for $2500. The van was put up for sale for $500 in the Washington Post classifieds by Ms. Ina Surance of Hartford, Connecticut.

Obama and Pelosi will use the van during a June nationwide Apology Tour — two weeks driving from Washington, DC to California, stopping along the way to apologize to the Democratic base for the health care overhaul, which:

  • lacks a public option
  • mandates Americans to buy health insurance from for-profit companies
  • subsidizes coverage by giving taxpayer dollars to insurance companies
  • fails to repeal antitrust immunity for insurance companies, and
  • does not bar preexisting conditions for group insurance plans, and
  • leaves intact the geographic disparity in Medicare reimbursement rates

This morning Obama and Pelosi went before the Washington press corps to celebrate the van deal. Obama described his negotiating strategy: “When I saw the van was $500, I immediately offered Ms. Surance $600. When she said $500 was all it was worth, I kept bidding it up until finally she agreed to accept five times her asking price,” Obama said.

The Speaker agreed it was a good compromise. “We could have taken the Amtrak public option, coast to coast for $524 in USA Rail Passes. Except Rahm Emanuel agreed with Mitch McConnell beforehand that we wouldn’t do that,” she said.

Health, Humor, Politics, Satire, Sports

GOP declares itself March Madness favorite – “We are the maddest of all” says Bachmann

The Republican Party surprised the collegiate basketball world today, when it declared itself the favorite to win this month’s ‘March Madness.’

“If this is about who’s the most insane, it’s a slam dunk for Republicans because we are the maddest of all,” said Rep. Michele Bachmann, the party’s go-to person on derangement issues.

Bachmann touted head coach Michael Steele’s completely insane starting lineup, which has no forwards or center.

The squad’s chief playcaller is Sarah “Death Panels” Palin, who writes all the plays on her hand. She gave up her final year of eligibility at Alaska in order to be drafted in 2008.

Palin is joined in the back court by John “The Tan” Boehner, who once forgot that health care reform bills have passed both the House and Senate.

Then there’s the totally nuts Sen. Jim Bunning from Kentucky, who tried to cut off the unemployment and COBRA benefits of hundreds of thousands of registered voters. He is so popular fans mobbed him as he tried to enter his private elevator, which does not go all the way to the top.

Bunning often feeds the ball to Arizona’s John “Loopy” Kyl, who thinks unemployment benefits make people less likely to look for work.

Finally there is “Crazy Eyes” Bachmann herself, a second-term outpatient from Minnesota who has called for revolution, is suspicious of the Census, and is currently accusing the media of treason.

The GOP also thinks its bench gives it an advantage, deep with senators who play killer defense on health care reform, and House members who can’t bring themselves to call Joseph Stack a terrorist. New sixth man discovery Bob Marshall of Virginia — who says birth defects are God’s punishment for women who aborted their first pregnancies — adds extra delusion to Coach Steele’s playbook.

Assistant Coach Lamar Alexander also brings experience, handing clean sheets of paper to Steele for the hand-tooled leather and diamond-studded Gucci playbook.

The one question mark is veteran Ron Paul, a fan favorite who nonetheless is in Steele’s doghouse and seen his playing time dwindle to nothing.

The Democratic Party had expected to be highly seeded this year, but has seen its March Madness hopes disappear in the past three weeks after both James Traficant and Eric Massa quit the team. Head coach Barack “The Big O” Obama hopes health care reform with no public option is just insane enough to make Democrats this year’s Cinderella squad.

Elections, Humor, International, Politics, Satire

Clinton “will obliterate Canadian border” – Annexation to bring more primaries, delegates

Refusing to give up her quest for the Democratic Party presidential nomination and bolstered by her wide margin of victory in yesterday’s West Virginia primary, Hillary Rodham Clinton yesterday announced a plan to annex Canada into the United States.

The resulting United States of North America would consist of 50 states, 10 provinces, three northern territories, and — most important to Clinton’s struggling campaign — approximately 1,500 additional Democratic Party convention delegates.

“Everyone knows Barack Obama can’t win the big provinces,” Clinton surrogate Howard Wolfson said on a Canadian news program. “The hard-working Great White North will put Senator Clinton over the top.”

Wolfson detailed the North American strategy last night on Canadian Broadcasting Corporation’s The National. “Clinton will obliterate the Canadian border, reuniting sister nations that went separate ways in 1776,” he told anchor Peter Mainsbridge. A schedule of Democratic primaries would quickly be organized and held during June and July, in a joint venture with Canada’s Liberal Party, added Wolfson.

“Make no mistake about it, all the votes must be counted, and the votes of all North Americans will be counted,” he said

Wolfson went on to say that the reunification would be negotiated by a special State Department team. Senator Clinton will seek to have the team led by Microsoft’s Steve Ballmer, said Wolfson.

“Ballmer will propose a corporate-like takeover of Canada — even if it means a hostile takeover. Extremely hostile, if you get my meaning,” Wolfson said.

Mainsbridge questioned how either kind of takeover could be considered feasible, since the U.S. dollar is weaker than Canada’s dollar, and Clinton would need President Bush to initiate the effort.

Wolfson replied that these were minor details, and quickly ended the interview.

“Damn Penn did it to us again,” he concluded, off-camera.

In related news, Democratic Party chairman Howard Dean warned Nova Scotia and Prince Edward Island not to move their primaries ahead of U.S. Memorial Day.

Politics

The Fantasies of Left-wing Bloggers?

Finally, a few Democrats stand up to the Bush administration’s bullying and immediately it’s the bloggers‘ fault? According to the White House, the Democrats are allegedly “caving” to the liberal bloggers.

From Alternet:

The White House has experienced difficulties moving its ill-conceived national security priorities through Congress. Yesterday, the Senate passed legislation banning waterboarding, defying a Bush veto threat. Also, House leaders have said they will not approve the Protect America Act with immunity for telecom companies.

[Skipping]

Perino also attacked Congress for holding a contempt of Congress vote on White House Chief of Staff Josh Bolten and former White House counsel Harriet Miers instead of expanding Bush’s surveillance powers:

The American people will find it baffling that on a day that House leaders are trying to put off passing critical legislation to keep us safer from the threat of foreign terrorists overseas, they are spending scarce time to become the first congress in history to bring contempt charges against a president’s chief of staff and lawyer. … The ‘people’s House’ should reflect the priorities of the American people, not the fantasies of left-wing bloggers.

The line is a familiar one. When the Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington revealed that the White House had destroyed millions of e-mails, Perino shrugged them off as the accusations of a “left-wing” group — but she later backtracked.

(more)

As Chris Matthews would say–Ha! The fantasies of left-wing bloggers? Really, Dana Perino? That’s laughable.

The fantasies of left-wing bloggers go far beyond a few modest civil rights victories after seventy gazillion losses in a row.

In the battle over telecom immunity, the ball bounced into the hands of a couple of committee chairs that would not be moved. Earth to Dana: the cave-stream of the Democratic Party is intact.  Captain Caveman Harry Reid will be there for you when the next “battle” takes place. Anything you want, you got it. Where have you been the last seven years?

But I do hope that all the incumbent Democrats in Washington got a real good look at what Donna Edwards did to Al Wynn. We can influence things a little. A nudge. Here and there.

The next nudge in the battle against the cave-stream of the Democratic party comes August 5th in Memphis where progressive Steve Cohen faces a vicious primary battle that has already gotten extremely ugly (h/t Russ).