The Republican Party has high hopes for its prospects in midterm congressional elections, and they are crediting health care reform.
For even though no GOP senators voted for the measure that passed 60-39 on Christmas eve, a little-noticed provision of the bill stands to put slates of fresh new Republican faces on ballots this fall. “Thanks to health care reform, plastic surgery is now a legitimate campaign expense,” said Rep. Kevin McCarthy of California, chief deputy whip to minority leader John Boehner.
“America has the best privatized health care system in the world, and we are going to use that system to help us take back control of Congress,” said the Bakersfield Republican.
At McCarthy’s direction, Republican incumbents and recruits alike are being booked for appointments with the best Beverly Hills and Manhattan cosmetic surgeons.
“We will have the newest-looking, tautest candidates on the campaign trail this summer. Voters will be too busy looking at them to pay attention to what they’re saying,” he declared.
One of the first lawmakers McCarthy signed up for a makeover is Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minnesota). “I think Michele will benefit from extensive work around the eyes, to soften her weird undead vibe,” McCarthy said.
Asked whether there wasn’t a danger Bachmann and others might no longer be recognizable to constituents, McCarthy said: “We’re counting on it.”
Her health plan covers dental sharpening, night vision.