Tag Archives: lame duck

Bush legacy caught in massage parlor sting

(Washington) President Bush’s legacy suffered a setback last night, when undercover sheriff’s deputies arrested it in a massage parlor sting in suburban Washington.

The Prince Georges County Sheriff’s Office confirmed that the president’s legacy was among those netted in a vice investigation at the Brit & Charlie’s Spin Palace in Landover.

This morning the White House said the Bush legacy had only been looking for an innocent little massage. “Every president’s legacy needs a little massaging by the end of his term in office, he’s earned it,” said press secretary Dana Perino.

However, the official arrest report indicates the president’s legacy was expecting something more than a back adjustment. “Suspect tried to grope for excuses about pre-war intel, then asked the undercover officer to dress up lies in a fantasy roleplaying scenario,” describes the report.

The arresting officer wrote that the Bush legacy then offered her $500 to screw the historical record, at which point she identified herself as a police officer.

The legacy was booked into the Prince Georges Department of Corrections on investigation of soliciting for a presidential library, and was released on its own recognizance.

“Bestest ever” birthday for Bush – McCain gives President pony

(Toyako, Japan) The leaders of the Group of 8 industrialized countries helped President Bush celebrate his 62nd birthday yesterday, throwing the POTUS a spectacular birthday bash — bigger even than the party for Germany’s head of state in 1944, according to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.

Bush had arrived in Japan for what he thought would be a hard-working G-8 summit. On the agenda were important issues including aid to Africa and reducing carbon emissions. But when Bush entered the conference room in this resort town in northern Japan, he was met with a shower of confetti and balloons, and a buffet table featuring hot dogs, Fritos and, of course, Kool-Aid. The party was rumored to have cost the U.S. State Department as much as $0.000000025 billion at Costco.

Featured at the party were comedian Dennis Miller, the song stylings of Pat Boone, and the antics of the Grape Ape, the G-8’s official costumed mascot who is a favorite of children at exclusive boarding schools all over Switzerland and New England.

There was no birthday cake, because Bush said he’s dieting in order to fit into a new pair of mountain bike shorts.

Not in attendance was Bush’s heir apparent, Sen. John Sidney McCain III. McCain was taking the weekend off from campaigning, but the apparent GOP nominee for president sent a gift that Bush praised as “the bestest ever” — a pony.

Appropriately, the steed is no ordinary equine, but a veteran of the Iraq occupation. Named “T.J. Hoofer,” the brown Shetland served his first tour of duty in late 2003 as part of a support team searching for WMD, and later for improvised explosive devices.

T.J. Hoofer served two more tours before being severely wounded in March 2007, when an IED cost him three legs. However, he entered the rehabilitation program at the USDA’s Meat Animal Research Center, where he met McCain during a goodwill visit by the senator.

McCain saw to it that the pony received three high-technology replacement limbs manufactured by Airbus/EADS, a provision contained within the Air Force tanker contract.

Bush took T.J. Hoofer for a ride around the Toyako area Sunday evening, but it was a bittersweet excursion. On Wednesday T.J. Hoofer is scheduled to be redeployed to Afghanistan for his fourth tour of duty.