Tag Archives: Ralph Nader

Long shot adds star power – Nader tabs ‘Mini-Me’ as running mate

Independent presidential candidate Ralph Nader chose a running mate last Friday.

The rumpled narcissist announced his selection is Vern Troyer, 39, the noted character actor who is perhaps best known for his role as Mini-Me in the “Austin Powers” comedies.

The Ticket
Nader introduces his Mini-Nader
“You complete my ticket”

At a press conference introducing Troyer to the media, Nader said he was optimistic a Nader-Troyer ticket could win as much as one meeellion votes. “Our plan to outfit the White House cabinet room with chutes that empty into a basement incinerator will create the kind of accountability the people want,” Nader said.

Troyer appeared yesterday on NBC’s Meet The Press, where host Tim Russert quizzed the man who would be Nader’s vice president about a range of issues, from short term interest rates (“What do you mean, ‘short’?”), to federal mining policy (“A fleet of super drilling ships that can tunnel to the Earth’s core”), and how a Nader administration would deal with Congress (“They SHALL bow down before us!”).

Asked by Russert what action he would take if, for example, he was called upon to conduct diplomacy with a despot such as Kim Jong-Il of North Korea, Troyer responded that he “would not set preconditions for talks, and seek to create understanding between our two peoples. Then I would bite Kim on the leg.”

McCain undergoes emergency surgery – Lobbyists found up his wazoo

Presumptive GOP presidential nominee John McCain underwent emergency surgery today to remove corporate lobbying connections from his wazoo.

The lobbyists were discovered last week during a physical examination by the health section of the New York Times

A subsequent pathology report found Sen. McCain’s wazoo is filled with malignant corporate connections, and include Charlie Black of BKSH & Associates,  Alcalde & Fay, Davis Manafort, The Loeffler Group, Ogilvy Government Relations, and dozens of lobbyists raising money for his campaign.

Doctors say the condition is common in politicians who have been in office for a long time.  Dr. Rollie Fingers, a polirectal health specialist from Hershey, Pennsylvania, says it is likely McCain got lobbyists up his wazoo while in bed with telecom lobbyist Vicki Iseman of Alcalde & Fay.

Dr. Fingers said the usual treatment is chemotherapy.  He said is it likely doctors will start high doses of Ralph Nader, which should allow McCain to recover by early November.

The best prevention strategy is screening, says Fingers. The New York Times should go up politicians’ wazoos at least once a year, he said.