(Phoenix) The state of Arizona has honored one of the world’s leading scientists. Governor Jan Brewer issued a proclamation today making renowned physicist Stephen Hawking an honorary citizen of Arizona.
“Normally we Arizonans don’t have time for education except for collegiate football and basketball, but Professor Hawking’s recent warnings against making contact with aliens reverberated with many in the Grand Canyon State who share his concerns,” Brewer told reporters after signing the proclamation.
Brewer said she is worried about the effect on public education if there were to be enrollment of small, spindly aliens depicted in movies such as ET and Close Encounters of the Third Kind. “Children of more advanced species would drive drive test scores through the roof, human children wouldn’t be able to compete,” said Brewer.
“Why, our university football and basketball programs would have fewer in-state recruits who could play against teams from states with fewer aliens,” she said.
The governor also said Hawking’s observations had implications for the economy. “Professor Hawking’s warning about huge spaceships is also very concerning. Those ships could have technology capable of trimming hedges, skimming swimming pools, cleaning hotel rooms, and preparing food for almost no cost — meaning they’ll be able to take jobs away from human Arizonans,” she explained.
“It is for these reasons I am recognizing this great man. By making Stephen Hawking an honorary Arizonan his ideas are no longer strange and foreign, so Americans can feel free to study them without feeling like a European intellectual.”
Reached for comment by the BBC, Hawking thanked Brewer for the honor. “I am looking forward to visiting Arizona some day. It would be interesting to meet politicians who are so dumb their IQs can’t be calculated — but I could give it a try,” Hawking said.