Tag Archives: whackos

Bachmann fills out practice Census form

Controversy surrounding the U.S. Census eased somewhat today, after the agency’s chief critic, Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R-MN), filled out a practice Census form.

The form was provided to Bachmann by Census enumerator Jim Tally in Bachmann’s Stillwater home. The Census Bureau arranged the special visit to allay Bachmann’s publicized worry that the decennial national survey is “very intricate,” “very personal,” and “contains coded quotations from the the sermons of Rev. Jeremiah Wright.”

Afterward, Bachmann said she was satisfied the process is above board. “It used short, easy to read words, and did not appear to be concealing any anti-America motivations,” said Bachmann.

“In fact, I was pleased at the number of essay questions,” she said, and provided reporters with copies of her form. Some of the questions, with
Bachmann’s answers, were:

  • Number in your household: 160 million (including all sperm and ovum)
  • Sex by Age: About twice a month
  • Median sex by age: We don’t do it in the road
  • Sex by marital status 15 and over: My kids would never have premarital sex, anymore than Sarah Palin’s would
  • Sex by year of entry for the foreign-born population: This is why we have to close the borders!
  • Sex by Work Experience: All this ‘sexual harrassment’ stuff is a bunch of hooey.
  • Means of transportation to work: Automobile, emitting life-giving carbon
  • Was the moon landing faked? Yes
  • Number of voices in your head: 27

“Those weren’t essay questions, but we’ll do our best to interpret them quantitatively,” Tally said.