Tag Archives: worst president ever

“I’m the only one who gets to be called that” – Bush sues France over use of ‘National Disaster’

George W. Bush has sued France, attorneys for the former President disclosed today.

Papers filed with the International Small Claims Court at The Hague state that France’s declaration of a “national disaster” in the wake of storms that severely lashed the country’s Atlantic coast infringes on a Bush trademark. The filing states France should not be allowed to use the term because it did not wait five days before sending government assistance, that assistance is being correctly and efficiently distributed, and private contractors are not involved.

“I’m the only one who gets to be called that, even in French,” Bush told his official biographer James Frey.

“As soon as I heard (French President) Sarkozy had declared a national disaster, I told my lawyers to jump on it,” said Bush, who is on a motivational speaking tour of Haiti.

“See, I’m what you call synombulous with that term — in other words, I am synombulous with it. Same as how there are a lot of different facial tissues, but everyone calls all of them Kleenex,” he said.

An emergency brief filed with the court by France’s attorney general offered to have Sarkozy fly in his plane over the affected region and look concernedly out the window.

However, a spokesman for Bush said it would be sufficient if the storm, currently named Xynthia, were renamed George.

Bush motivational speech – Transcript

Fort Worth, Texas
October 26, 2009

Good evening. Tell you what, before we start, why don’t those of you in the back come and fill up some of these opens seats up front here? Come on, lots of empty seats.

Okay, now I can see all your shiny faces. Good evening again, and welcome to my first paid public speaking. Are you ready to rumble? Before I forget, I want to give a special shout-out to the 8,000 of you who won free tickets through 95.9 KFWR The Ranch. “Listeners really win on KFWR.”

I am honored to be invited here today to talk about lessons from my life that can motivate. In other words, life lessons that can motivate you, in your businesses, careers, and personal lives.

Although a lot of the early stuff is kind of hazy, what I do remember is working hard.

The first lesson from my life is that if you work hard, you always win. And let me tell you — I’m a winner. I’ve won every time.

I got into Yale even though I’m as dumb as a stump — because I worked hard. And because of me, Yale had to create a special grade: the E, which they told me stands for Excellent.

I got out of Vietnam but still worked hard serving my country — I earned that free dental work.

Some will tell you I lost my ’78 campaign for Congress, but I think of it as a ‘non-win’ — just sounds better.

I finished six years as Governor of Texas with 152 executions, number one among all governors in recent history. And most of those executions were of guilty people.

And then there was September the 11th, 2001. That was a loss for the United States, it’s true. But in large parts of the world 9/11 is considered a win against America. That’s lesson two from my life: consider other points of view.

Lesson three from my life would have to be good business sense. I started Arbusto Energy, which later got sold to Harken Energy — whew, and managed to sell all my stock in that before it went south.

As a baseball owner, I pulled myself up by my bootstraps by buying a share of the Rangers for $600,000, most of it borrowed, then selling the team and its taxpayer-financed stadium for a huge profit. I’m too bashful to say how much that was — but it rhymes with blourteen boint bline shmillion. Heh heh — pretty good, huh?

This lesson served me in good steed in the last year of my White House when the economy, due to fears of the possible election of Barack Obama, suffered the biggest failure of financial institutions known to man. The situation called for using the fourth lesson from my life — as ye have received, also shalt thou give away others’ money.

So I worked hard, considered other points of view, used my business sense, and then came to the only conclusion possible — I gave them 700 billion of your dollars.

This has been just a preview of all the lessons of my life. You’ll be able to get the rest of them in my forthcoming book, “Lessons Of My Life” By George W. Bush, $34.99, now available for pre-order from Regnery Publishing.

In closing, I hope my life has provided you with the motivation you need to achieve success in your endeavors.

Thank you for your attention, have a nice day, and remember to tip your waitress. Posters, CDs, and “Global War On Terror Global Tour” t-shirts are on sale in the lobby.

Those of you who want to take a picture with me, please form a single line in the center aisle — ten bucks each, cash only.